


Expiration Date

by kjonginexo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Happy Ending, M/M, a lot of sad angst, but it does get happy at the end okay i promise, but they all got happy at the end, i made my friends sad with this so, no one dies okay, post breakup fic, sad angst, the most amount of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 14:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11808189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjonginexo/pseuds/kjonginexo
Summary: Jongin and Chanyeol broke up suddenly and unexpected, Jongin always wondered why but didn't ask until he found a box of letters underneath his bed from Chanyeol himself.





	Expiration Date

Everything has an expiration date, food, relationships, areas of life that seem to just disappear and fade off to nothing. Jongin was a believer in that, respective expiration dates, since he saw the common sense to them. He believed in an expiration date when it came to his milk because he didn't want to drink curdled dairy. He believed in expiration dates when it came to his past relationship with the Chinese exchange student in his high school that was going nowhere and it was leading to a road of nothing and sorrow. He definitely believes an expiration date when it came to the black plastic bands around his wrist of sad song lyrics and worn out band T-shirts from My Chemical Romance or Panic!At The Disco, that was a mistake of an era itself.

He never disagreed with expiration dates because he saw that they end for a reason, or that it was time. Not once has anything died off without there being obvious reasons or at least a reason he would just have to look into a little bit more. He respected expiration dates he knew that they would be a stepping stone for him to move forward with his life, but he disagreed with one.

That one would be named under his perfect ex, Park Chanyeol. They met in University six years ago as dorm mates. Jongin could barely put two words together to speak to the tall gangly thin male, his mouth would always go dry when he saw Chanyeol, chest would tighten and heart would batter aimlessly in his chest. He was handsome back then, he grew more into his looks making him devastatingly handsome now. He’s tall, toned biceps and large hands that made its own contradiction to the thin bowed legs holding his well built body up. His hair is shaggy and black, small curled ringlets at the ends and wide excited eyes sat below the hair resting on his forehead. His lips were reddish in color and averagely filled, not full and plush like Jongin’s but Jongin liked Chanyeol’s lips. A lot actually, he kissed them far too often and cut Chanyeol off from talking just because the way they moved when he spoke was gorgeous.

In their dorm years, Chanyeol eventually managed to have Jongin form more than two words and became close friends. He wasn't sure how they escalated from there, but he didn't particularly care. Usually, if it were anyone else, Jongin would pry away from the loudness and boisterous tones, annoying and poor distasteful jokes, clumsiness and a bound to happen mess that was his dorm mate. Jongin didn't let himself run away though, instead he was drawn in by Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was like a lighthouse in a foggy bay at three am while Jongin was the roaming boat, lost in the dark unforgiving waves until he would see that light and hesitantly but happily pull forwards. He remembers it like it happened two hours ago, the touches and way Chanyeol smiled at him fondly and the radiating body heat from the taller male glowing against his own. Five years ago the two sat on Chanyeol’s cramped dorm bed, watching a terrible B-rated horror movie that Jongin’s best friend recommended to him since ‘you're into this cheesy shit.’ His hand was lay open on his thigh, palm exposed and fingers slightly twitching involuntarily out of the need to be constantly moving. The air around his hand was cool, his focus was solely on the movie until a warmth enveloped his hand.

Rough calloused palm sliding against his softer one, fingers lacing together and tips taking their places just beneath Jongin’s knuckles. It felt right, and Jongin’s chest was picking up its speed as his flustered breaths filled the room now. Cheeks speckled with heat as his doe like expression looked to Chanyeol, who was already staring at him fondly. “I like you, really like you.” His baritone voice smoothed out, Jongin liked Chanyeol’s voice. His own voice was deep but not like the other males. “I like you, really like you too.”

Their relationship was perfect. Jongin thought so, Chanyeol thought so, spectators and friends definitely thought so. They were patient and sweet with one another, they didn't fight about things the other did to annoy them since they both fell for each other based off personalities and quirks. They didn't fight much at all, Chanyeol wasn't one to argue and Jongin wasn't either. They were a unit, together they were unstoppable since they fit together so right and blended together. No one could figure out where they started and ended, individuals wrapped too into one another that the trace of where they started and ended was lost. No one went looking for it either, it wasn't meant to be found since it was ChanyeolandJongin that were meant to be seen and found instead of the individuals they were before they met.

They graduated together, moved in together, and lived a functioning adult life together. Chanyeol was a rather successful architect, he preferred building houses and seeing dreams come true than corporate buildings, Jongin thought that was simply endearing. Jongin worked in the university as a dance professor and he was definitely well paid for it. Date nights were every Friday, Saturday mornings was spent with the rest of their friends at a too packed Denny’s, telling jokes and stealing bites off one another's plates.

The rest of the week was a surprise even though they fell into a routine. They said they loved each other by then, fell asleep on the couch and sometimes it would either be Jongin telling Chanyeol to join him in bed from staying up too late or Chanyeol calling Jongin to come home and get some rest from the dance studio. They were perfect, they were like stars meeting and forming a bright beautiful supernova. A new star of their love was made, Jongin didn't see an expiration date in sight, he knew they were going to last forever. Except, three months ago, their expiration date came without explanation, sudden and unexpected, Chanyeol was gone as fast as he came.

 

Jongin didn't realize how empty his world was outside of Chanyeol and mandatory Saturday breakfasts with his friends was. Chanyeol let Jongin have the apartment and moved out to his own just 20 minutes away, Jongin only knows because he's had to return stuff to Chanyeol. Those were the worst trips, from the minute he found the item and arrived to Chanyeol’s he was crying. Jongin didn't imagine or prepare himself to be giving Chanyeol his things back, the man he loves. Giving things back to a friend you lost touch with is much different than a person you planned to spend your life with. Six years with someone is a lot of time that Jongin spent attached to the taller’s hip, learning everything about him and adjusting to the habits and quirks of the other.

To have it gone was rough, but to keep seeing it through by returning their things was even harder. It was like a wake up call in Jongin’s eyes, that this was real and not a joke and his boyfriend (now ex) won't stumble through the door in his button down and slacks with a lazy yet happy smile to see him. Jongin never found out why they broke up. Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s best friend said he couldn't tell him, and Chanyeol just wouldn't. It was painful to Jongin to sit in their apartment they got together, looking around at all the furniture that was once _theirs_ and now is just _his_. He didn't feel like it was his furniture, he’ll forever remember the gleam in Chanyeol’s eyes when he saw the most perfect coffee table at IKEA, that slowly dissipated into frustration at putting the thing together since bracket A and screw D didn't quite go together like the manual said.

He can't walk into the kitchen without the memory of Chanyeol shirtless in the morning with messy hair and sleep swollen face, leaned up against the counter, brown mug situated comfortably between his hands, long fingers against the porcelain with his eyes closed inhaling the strong scent of morning espresso. Jongin didn't even like coffee, but Chanyeol somehow made it look like something Jongin was missing out on and should be drinking. When he comes home from the studio late at night and his mind paints the facade of Chanyeol cocooned comfortably in the grey plush blanket, asleep on the white couch while the TV drones on a boring infomercial in the background.

Lips naturally pushed out into a pout and black hair resting against his milky toned forehead. He always looked so at peace when he slept, and it always made Jongin’s heart melt over and over, heart stop with happiness at the man he loves sitting there asleep. It was always ChanyeolandJongin, but now Jongin sat here in his apartment with a bucket of cleaning supplies as Just Jongin.

His plans were simple today, in his mind at least. He knew actually following through it would be brutal and he’d end up smelling like kitchen cleaner and bleach based cleaners afterwards. Today he’d be doing a spring cleaning, even though it was winter but he figured the name didn't have much to do with the concept of just cleaning everything and getting rid of what is and isn't needed. In his pathetically sad mind of moping and constantly crying over Chanyeol (that also cussed at him to stop crying and just move on like any normal person would have by now) he thought that a clean apartment would be a clean start for him.

In his normal mind, he knew the idea was fucking stupid and it shouldn't have been thought of in the first place, but Jongin was desperate. He wanted to stop finding Chanyeol’s things laying around and he wanted to stop smelling the same familiar scent of sandalwood cologne around the apartment. Even if he did leech onto those objects until it lost the smell, and even if he cried on them and even if he loved the way Chanyeol smelled, it was hurting him nonetheless and forming a bigger bruise than needed. So there he was, lugging around his bucket of cleaning supplies, paper towels tucked neatly underneath his arm as his plush pink lips blew a strand of his black hair away from his eyes. He started by wiping down the tables in silence, music and cleaning reminded him of when Chanyeol would procrastinate him from cleaning to dance even if Chanyeol’s whole body was nothing but two left feet. His boyfriend, ex, ex boyfriend hated to clean and what better way to distract his tidy ex boyfriend by dancing?

The thing he loves second in the world behind Park Chanyeol. The sandalwood cologne in whatever was lurking behind was fading and Jongin couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing, his mind told him yes while his heart screamed no and to hold onto Chanyeol. Jongin knew Chanyeol wasn't coming back, Chanyeol didn't come to their Saturday morning breakfasts after they broke up, why would he come back to Jongin? He kept on cleaning, tirelessly, lost in his thoughts about choreography or anime he needs to catch up on and dodging every possible thought about Chanyeol that he could.

 

He was dreading the bedroom, but unfortunately he cleaned everywhere else. The sky was a milky twilight outside his windows, he had deep cleaned for four hours and formed a small accumulation of Chanyeol’s belongings on the living room floor all folded away neatly in a black garbage bag. He cried when he found each of those objects and hugged them to his chest like Chanyeol’s warmth would suddenly replace whatever it was he held to him. Jongin wiped his tears on his old shirt that had some anime character on it, it was worn and wrinkly, but he remembered how much Chanyeol liked that shirt. So now he was shirtless cleaning, shirt thrown in the trash now actually.

He didn't want to see it anymore, and in midst clean he changed ‘Spring Cleaning’ to ‘Spring Cleaning So I Can Move On From Chanyeol I’m Tired Of Fucking Crying All Day Long Every Damn Day’. It was painful, stepping into their bedroom. In there it was a combination of the two of them in ways Jongin couldn't have placed outside the bedroom. The mattress alone was where they slept, fucked, made love, cuddled, exchanged secrets or life plans or nightmares and dreams from the slumber before. Where Jongin asked Chanyeol if he saw them together forever, and Chanyeol smiled down at him in the same heart stopping sickly fond way and nodded with a “for as long as you keep me, sweetheart.” The nightstand where Chanyeol piled on his work stuff and random toys while Jongin kept his neat and clean. Both were empty now, Jongin didn't put anything on his nightstand anymore since that would seem too familiar to the once domestic life he had with his ex boyfriend.

He felt weak and pathetic over the fact that he couldn't even put things on a nightstand anymore because he was definitely not over the man he dated for five years and wanted to spent his life with. He felt weak that he couldn't look at a picture of Chanyeol and that the faintest hint of anything Chanyeol would make him break down and lock himself away until he was okay again. He felt weak that he spent an entire day cleaning an apartment so he could at least try to let go of someone who may have already let go of him.

He felt weak that he missed Chanyeol more than he missed anything in the world. He missed the bad jokes, the loud voice, the patience, the sweetness, the way Chanyeol held him like Jongin was glass and if he pressed too hard he’d break, the different questions about how Jongin’s day went, the smiley faces he got in reply after Jongin sent him ‘have a good day, don't forget to have lunch’ texts. He really missed Chanyeol and how he poured ‘I love you’ from his lips so easily, he missed the warmth from his body and how their lips met so easily and how their hands seemed to fit one another like two smooth puzzle pieces. He missed falling asleep next to Chanyeol and seeing him the next morning already awake and playing with his hair. He missed falling in love everyday all over again, he missed Chanyeol.

He started cleaning from the closet and thankfully he didn't come across anything of Chanyeol’s in there. Then the dressers where he reorganized his clothes to fill his half the dressers. He left Chanyeol’s dresses untouched and in a way it felt so wrong to even think about moving a piece of his clothing into the abandoned ones. Lastly was the bed, he stripped the bed naked to leave only the memory foam cover on the white mattress that had light blue floral prints into it. He injured his back often during dance so the memory foam at this point was a necessity, not a splurge. Took the lilac pillow cases off the pillows and tossed them into the wash. He came back into the room and dropped to his knees to peer under the bed. There wasn't much, pencils, pens, unopened bill stamps and dust bunnies but what caught his attention was a shoe box. It was a Converse box, only Chanyeol wore converse. Jongin reached for the broom and pushed the box out on the other side of the bed underneath the dingy white light of the room.

He crawled himself over the bed, fingers hesitantly grabbing at it and set the box down in front of him. It was all unmarked but there was shifting and weight coming from within. This felt slightly wrong to be invading on Chanyeol’s things like this but in a way, Chanyeol isn't here and Chanyeol isn't coming back, he deserved to see what was in the box after being left and dropped so suddenly like he meant nothing. He pried it open and saw nothing but envelopes. He was about to shut the box and put it in the bag of things to return to the other when he saw his name on one of the envelopes in Chanyeol’s handwriting. He blinked a few times, fingers grabbing at the sealed paper as water brimmed his eyes. Sniffles filling the room instantly as the unwanted trail of tears slid down his cheeks.

He checked the other letters now and each of them had his name on them, all of them, some spelled in cursive or written in print, hearts or flowers, cute doodles or stickers, some even a picture taped to the letters. They were all dated in the corners, Jongin looked through the dates until he came across the last one, dated on the day he moved out. The one he held in his hand was the first letter addressed to Jongin, he could see the difference between the penmanship then versus now. His fingers worked at the envelope, opening it as delicately as he could before pulling out the single leaf notebook paper. It was older but still neat and folded somewhat evenly. Tears were sliding down his cheeks as his were parted in a devastated awe, his hands were shaking as he opened it up and laid his eyes on the scrawled penmanship from the man he loved on the paper.

 

_‘Dear Jonginnie,_

_We started dating today. I didn't think this day would actually come you know that? I have a plan for these letters and hopefully that plan will follow through. If not, I'll leave them for you to read so you can always have a piece of us with you. So you can always know what I feel/felt for you is/was real. I can tell you if we do part our separate ways it'll deeply hurt me and I won't be able to let go easily, so if that's what ends up happening, which I really hope doesn't, read these. Every single one of these. I'm pretty sure I'll expose my plan somewhere in here but that's okay because before whenever you're reading this you didn't even know this box of letters existed. I think it's pretty clever to hide them in a shoe box. You know I keep my shoe boxes. Anyway, you look really beautiful asleep on the couch. I had to get up really slow for you not to notice I was gone. You're needy when you sleep but really I like it so much. I'll end this letter here. I can't expose everything I like about you hm?_

_Yours only,_

_Chanyeollie.’_

 

He folded the letter, vision blurred now at the streaming continuous tears leaving his eyes and soaking his eyelashes. He bit down on his bottom lip, shaky exhales leaving his nostrils as he folded it the way it came and slid the letter back into the envelope. He didn't want to read anymore letters, he didn't want to see how they could've lasted forever and how these letters could've lasted until whatever Chanyeol’s grand scheme was. It wasn't their time to end they had no reason to end.

Jongin pushed forward though and opened the second letter, dated next week. It was a short letter, something simple and sweet about how Jongin looked when the cherry blossoms twirled in the wind around them at the university park they often walked through. According to Chanyeol it was better now that he got to hold his hand and kiss him anytime he wanted. It was all too real for Jongin that their relationship was great and didn't deserve it's ending as he put away the second letter, shaky sobs and pathetic mewls leaving his mouth. Bottom lip trembling and nose already sniffling as much as a nose could sniffle. It was only two letters, he thought, and he was losing his mind.

He wanted to run into the other room and see Chanyeol huddled over a blue print, push it all out of the way and kiss his face and tell him he found the letters. But Chanyeol wasn't at the dining room table huddled over a blue print with a tired expression on his face. Chanyeol was at his apartment, huddled over a blue print alone while Jongin sat crying on their once shared bed over letters and missing his other half.

Letters 3-15 were how cute Jongin looked frustrated over summer finals, the amount of carefully worded detail that Chanyeol poured into the letters was a lot for Jongin. Teardrops were hitting the paper, soaking into the lead of the pencil or ink of the pen and slightly smearing the inked words. The blue of the notebook paper was smearing, his hands were trembling, he lost the ability to breathe through his nose and was now stuck in short lived breaths. His heart was screaming in pain and his head had shut down into nothing but ‘I miss Chanyeol, Chanyeol, come home to me Chanyeol’ he thought he was pathetic.

He pushed on though, kept going, and made himself read every single letter despite how hard he cried with every single word. The letters were beautiful if Jongin wasn't in so much pain. Turns out the plan was to have Jongin read these on their wedding night and it led Jongin to weep about how Chanyeol saw them getting married since day one. Each piece of paper unfolded something different about Jongin that Chanyeol seemed to really love and like. Things that Jongin found annoying like how he chewed on his nails when he was nervous or laughed at everything and anything or how he left the milk carton empty in the fridge since out of habit he put it back in. Words of how beautiful Jongin looked when he smiled appeared on the paper along with never ending paragraphs of how sweet Jongin looked when he was sleeping, eating, dancing, laughing, watching movies, petting dogs, etc. Chanyeol even said Jongin looked cute when he was flustered and face beet red, lip sucking on his bottom teeth.

There were a few bits about how he liked Jongin in the bedroom which made him blush through his relentless downpour of tears and broken sobs. Even the more recent ones were all so sweet and filled with words of love, care, passion, everything that Jongin felt and still feels. He finally got to the last one though, barely able to breathe or see. Squinting made it better even if tears passed through his eyes without him blinking. His lips were dry, trembling harder now along with the rest of his trembling body. He expected the letter to be an explanation, Chanyeol saying something particularly horrible to really step on his heart.

 

_‘My love Jongin,_

_I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I did this. I love you with everything in me. I don't want to use my last letter to you explaining why I left, I can't do it. These letters were loving words to you about how much I love you. And I really do love you so much even though you may be thinking I don't since I'm leaving so rushed and sudden. You cry a lot now in the last week of me leaving. I know this may sound unusual but I've never met someone who even looks stunning when they cry. You cry in a way where you can't see, and your face gets puffy. I haven't seen you cry worse than that and I'm sorry if you're crying like that right now. But your face is red, lips poutier than usual, you look so lost but yet when you look at me, you realize you're found. And I can't believe I'm leaving you lost. I can't believe that I did this to us and I never really wanted to do it in the first place at all. Leaving you was horrible, that's why I gave you a good day with me before I did it. You fought for me so hard, and I feel like a dick now as I write to you. Baekhyun said I was dumb when I cried to him over the phone and I can't help but agree. I managed to lose the one person I love more than anything in the universe. I managed to fuck up, and I can't be like “hey, take me back I love you.” Because then I'd feel even worse for causing you that pain for a week. Maybe this will be better, and maybe you won't miss me. And maybe you'll find someone new to love, this maybe selfish of me to say but I hope apart of you always loves me. I'll always love you, and even though we’re one room apart I'll miss you more than words can say. I chose a place close to yours so I can know you're near. And I'm sorry ahead of time if I don't answer calls or come to Denny’s. Don't think I hate you or that I moved on. I know this was supposed to be a letter about what I loved about you for one last time, but you deserve this apology. You deserve to know I'm so in love with you, and that I didn't want to do this and I shouldn't have done it at all. I want to be with you until we grow old, be that old couple people look at and wish to be one day. I want that with you, I'll always want that with you because Kim Jongin, you have my heart so tight in your hands and you never bruised it or even scratched it. I broke yours. And I'm so sorry. I'm in love with you. I love you. Please, please never forget that. I love you._

 

_Yours only,_

_Chanyeol.’_

 

Jongin held the paper so tight the paper started to crumple up in his hands. His sobs were uncontrolled as he started to wail and hug the paper to his chest. Ignoring the crumpling sounds as he balled himself up and curled into him. Loud broken gasps of air filled the room, not deep ones but rather shallow that barely did Jongin any help to control and calm himself. He wasn't sure if he wanted Chanyeol to say he never loved him over that Chanyeol never wanted to leave.

Chanyeol left, he left Jongin behind like he was nothing and turns out he didn't even want to leave. He could be here now, still writing the sappy letters instead of an apology from three months ago that felt like hot metal jabbing and prodding into his heart. Chanyeol could be here, Chanyeol could be holding him and running his long fingers through Jongin’s soft hair as they whispered stories of their day. Instead, Jongin sobs and weeps loudly, holding the paper to his chest because that's all he can grasp onto of Park Chanyeol. He deserved an answer as to why Chanyeol left him if he didn't want to leave, he deserved something, he was tired of not knowing what went wrong or why their love died when it wasn't ready or why the other ended it so shorty when he didn't want to.

He shakily folded the letter in the envelope and took the box after putting the letters in. He closed it, took it in his hands and dropped it in the bag. He splashed his face with cold water and waited until he could see. His lip was still trembling and his usual golden tan was paling. It didn't matter though, he just didn't need to be crying since tonight he was going to get the answers he deserved.

 

The 20 minute drive was a silent one, bag crinkling with sharper turns and faint sniffles at the silent lone tears slipping down his cheeks that got wiped away immediately. Chanyeol’s apartment complex was a cute one but Jongin liked his better. Jongin drove in the guest gate and parked in front of apartment building H. Hauling the bag over his shoulder he walked to H4 on the ground floor. A shaky nervous breath filled his lungs as he knocked politely. This time he let the stray tear slip down his cheek and the door opened hitting him in the face with warmer air. Chanyeol stood before him, beautiful as ever.

His hair was in it's natural fluffy thick state, on his body was a beige sweater and sweatpants that had a hole in the knee. He faintly smiled at Jongin then looked at the black bag, then back at Jongin more carefully who was speechless and letting more tears slide down his face. “Jongin?” The baritone voice sent his heart in a spiral of emotions, more tears freely leaving his eyes since he missed the way Chanyeol said his name. “Jongin, come inside please.” Jongin didn't say anything but he walked in. The apartment didn't look like Chanyeol’s at all with the grey loveseat couch and sparse furniture here and there. The only thing that was Chanyeol was the blueprints on the ugly dining room table.

He stepped in and set the bag down on the coffee table. He ignored Chanyeol’s lingering gaze watching Jongin wipe away the tears with one hand as the other pulled out the box. It was trembling in his grip, and finally he managed to look at Chanyeol and speak out brokenly and shaky. “I read your letters. If you didn't want to leave so bad, why did you leave me.” He didn't ask, it was a statement. He watched as Chanyeol’s concerned expression fall into a guilty and sad one.

“By the way, fuck you for saying I won't miss you. Or that I'll love someone else.” His tears were coming out stronger but he refused to let himself cave to his emotions. “I will always love you. It was always me and you. You left me, you left me and now it's just me and all I do is think of you. I'm so lost without you, you were my beacon and I was that stupid boat lost at sea. Now I'm stuck in the waves wondering when my beacon will come back and turns out my beacon didn't want to leave but left me behind anyway. You left me, why did you leave?” Jongin breathed it out now a question, voice weaker and smaller than it had ever been. He wiped at his eyes to take the blurry vision away to see Chanyeol crying. It was a sight he rarely did see but when he did it broke him. The red splotches already appearing on his skin, Jongin wanted to reach out and touch, make him feel better but he wasn't his to reach out and touch anymore.

“I left because I heard you talk to Sehun about turning down the offer in Japan to be a ballerino in a recital. And that was your biggest dream. You told Sehun that you loved your life here with me and that didn't matter to you. I stood in the way of your dream and it only made me wonder what else I stood in the way of. So I left so you wouldn't have anything standing in the way anymore.” Jongin’s heart fell deep in his body. His breathing was panicked and short as more tears left his eyes.

“You left me because of me, I lost you because of me. I made you leave.” He spoke out muffled through his hands slicking up his palms. Chanyeol sniffled “no, God no.  No I left because I was stupid and thought I was standing in the way.” Chanyeol’s body warmth hovered near him now. It was so close to a hug, Jongin wanted that so badly. To mold into Chanyeol’s chest like he did every time he cried. “I turned it down because my life with you was my new dream. I didn't have a real dream until you came and made my grey life color.” His voice was a wreck through the sobs. Hands still pressed over his face.

Gentle fingers pulled his hands back though from his wrists, he couldn't see too well but the same gentle fingers wiped away his tears with his thumb. Jongin looked him over and felt his body ignite with goosebumps and hot flashes to his chest and face. Chanyeol was touching him, it made him sad to think that he almost forgot what the calloused fingertips felt like against his body.

“I was your new dream?” Chanyeol’s voice was shaky and barely above a whisper. Jongin nodded, staring into the sad brown eyes above him. “Since day one.” Chanyeol nodded, a faint smile on his lips. “Am I still your dream? Do you still love me?” Jongin scoffed out now in disbelief that Chanyeol could even ask such a question. He moved his hands down to meet Chanyeol’s lacing their fingers together. “Of course you're still my dream, and I love you more than words can possibly say. Do you still love me?” He was overwhelmed with the smell of sandalwood cologne. His body was ready to give in, he was so ready to slip back to the man he loves because he can't take being without him for another minute. “More than you could ever know, Jonginnie.”

Jongin pulled his hands away to hold Chanyeol’s face, leaning on his tip toes to push their lips together in a long overdue kiss. He didn't care that he could feel the wet skin of Chanyeol’s cheek against his face or the sniffles leaving both of them. He cared that Chanyeol’s warm perfect mouth was back on his, lips moving together seamlessly and needily. His fingers tangled into Chanyeol’s hair as Chanyeol held Jongin’s jaw with both hands to keep him close. Chests touching and Chanyeol still tasted the same. He still tasted like honey from his burt's bees chapstick.

Tears slipped down his cheeks, mouth opening slightly as Chanyeol pressed kisses to his upper and bottom lip as Jongin whimpered through tears “don't leave me, don't leave me, come home and stay. I love you please I can't be without you again. Please come home, please don't leave me.” He chanted it like a mantra as his body trembled with more tears and meeting Chanyeol’s lips in between kisses. He felt the shuddered breath from Chanyeol’s nose onto his cheek. “I love you, I'll never leave you again. I'll come home. I'll stay home, you're my home.”

 

Jongin was right, their expiration date wasn't right. They sat in their apartment a month later, cuddling one another as they watched a movie on the tv. It was Chanyeol’s choice, it was an action movie of some sort that was like 007 so he opted with playing with Chanyeol’s fingers until he drifted off. He woke to a cold empty couch, alone in the dark, he didn't have a chance to think rationally as tears left his eyes again and panicked erratic breaths left his mouth. “Chanyeol? Chanyeol?” His voice was panicked, scared, he thought Chanyeol left again until thuds from the other male in a hurry ran out from the bedroom with a pen tucked neatly behind his ear.

“Jongin baby what's wrong talk to me.” Jongin felt dumb crying now, he knew he should let it go and be happy Chanyeol is here but apart of him is terrified he’ll have to let go of Chanyeol again. He shot up and brought his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, face buried deep in his chest. “I got scared I woke up alone I thought you were gone.” He breathed out somewhat calmer, already relaxed by Chanyeol’s gentle touches to his hair. “I'll always be here, I promise I'll never leave again.”

Six months later at Denny’s, Chanyeol smiled at Jongin from across the table. The two lazily playing footsie beneath it with faint giggles leaving one another's lips as they listened to their four other friends banter about waffles being better than pancakes. Jongin loved how Chanyeol laughed and smiled, nose scrunched up and eyes crinkled at the sides. Sometimes if he laughed too much he would cause himself pain and make the most hurt expression he would soon get over after a few calming breaths here and there. Jongin loves Chanyeol, Chanyeol loves Jongin. Jongin remembers when it was Just Jongin, but he can't bring himself to be scared anymore. It's ChanyeolandJongin again, Chanyeol proved he wasn't going to leave him again and thats what mattered.

Two years later they walked through their old university park. It was a beautiful spring day, California humidity at a minimum, gentle breeze bouncing through the air and blue sky above. Their hands were laced together, Jongin staring up at the cherry blossom trees ahead with a faint smile on his lips. He was happy, they were happy, he felt no doubts and fears anymore. Chanyeol was his to stay, their expiration date was back to undetermined and possibly set for life.

He felt Chanyeol stop walking, hand squeezing his gently before letting it go to stand in front of him. He looked nervous, Jongin smiled up at him and hummed. He looked beautiful today, wearing the light red t-shirt Jongin liked on him the most. Chanyeol leaned down and pressed his lips to Jongin’s in a sweet loving chaste kiss. He pulled back, exhaling shakily and nervously.

“Jongin, I love you with all my heart and soul. Everything about you is perfect, and I know I write better than I talk, and my actions speak louder than verbal and written words.” Jongin felt his eyes water a bit, watching Chanyeol reach for inside his jacket to pull out a velvet box and drop down to his one knee. “But you need to hear me say this. I can't imagine a day without you. We lived that, and I don't know how I did it. You gave me another chance, and I sure hope I made up for what I did. Spending my life with you has been my dream since you couldn't even speak to me in the dorms. I knew you were my person, my love, my everything. If there's other lives we’ll be meeting in those because we’re forever and ever. We’ll last until the other versions of us disappear. Our love is eternal. And I want to mark that eternal love by placing a ring on your finger and making your last name mine. So, Jongin, will you please marry me?”

Jongin was crying but it was happy crying, nodding frantically as he wiped at his tears with a grin so wide on his face that his cheeks started to hurt. “Yes, yes Chanyeol, I'll marry you.” Chanyeol stood up and slipped the simple band onto his finger. Jongin didn't like flashy, it was all too good to be true. His lips met with Chanyeol’s in a love filled kiss, deep with giggles and smiles interrupting it. “I love you.” Chanyeol murmured against his lips, Jongin giggled. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> so, I'm sad about this fic bc it hurt me to write BUT i hope u all enjoyed it n don't hate me for hurting ur feelings if u did get hurt feelings.


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